A   C o m p r e h e n s i v e   M a n u a l
week, or to follow communication guide 
and finds Darrin busily organizing the
lines, people may forget, grow careless,
office.  
or simply interpret them differently from
others.  This is bound to cause resent 
What is going on for Andy?  What is
ments and sometimes conflict.  
going on for Darrin?
Agreements are broken for a variety of
Darrin tends to mistrust others in the
reasons: people take on too much because
group because they sometimes mess up.
they are unrealistic about their time, per 
Rather than confront them directly with
sonal issues come up and interfere (they
his feelings he tends to just over compen 
just broke up with their lover, they are
sate and do more work.   When Andy
failing a course, etc.), people don t know
comes into the office for his next shift and
how to do what they agreed to and they
finds Darrin already there, two things
are too embarrassed to ask for help, etc.
happen: he remembers that he missed his
However one of the most common rea 
last shift, but because Darrin is already
sons that people don t follow through is
there and clearly all is well, he concludes
because they don t think it really matters
that he is not that significant or important
to anyone.  Consider the following exam 
to the group.  
ple:
As a result of the conclusions that both
Darrin and Andy draw from this situation
It is very important for us to
this dynamic will likely escalate.  Andy
support our visible leaders,
may become more irresponsible because
(offering appreciation in
he feels not needed and because he
greater amounts than con 
structive criticism), and not
knows someone else will take up the
trash them.
slack.  Darrin may become more respon 
sible and do even more. Both Darrin and
Andy may have bad feelings toward each
Andy agreed to staff the office from
other; Andy will come to believe that
3:00 5:00 p.m. on Wednesdays.  Last
Darrin is controlling, while Darrin will
Wednesday when he was on his way
continue to dismiss Andy as completely
to the office he bumped into someone
irresponsible.
who he hadn t seen in years.  He got
caught up in the conversation and
Even when there is no "Darrin" in the
totally forgot to go to the office.  Dar 
group to clean up the messes, the
rin stopped by the office that Wednes 
"Andy s" of the group may feel superflu 
day afternoon at 4:00 p.m. and found
ous if no one notices that they didn t fol 
it locked.  Darrin tends to be super 
low through.  It is pretty easy for us to
responsible and he felt pissed off at
feel un noticed, un appreciated, and irrel 
Andy because he was always meticu 
evant if others ignore when we don t fol 
lous about staffing the office during
low through on our agreements.  If I say I
his assigned hours.  Darrin, however,
will meet a friend for coffee at 7:00 p.m.
doesn t say anything directly to Andy.
and I don t show up until 7:30, my friend
However the next Wednesday Darrin
may feel bad.  Whether or not it was my
shows up at 2:45 p.m. to open the
intention, I may have given the message
office.  Andy comes in at 3:00 p.m.
that I don t value my friend and their
M a n a g i n g   Y o u r   G r o u p
M     7 5






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