A C o m p r e h e n s i v e M a n u a l
Assume that there is good will on the
other effectively. Help the sender to
part of those involved;
express her/his feelings, issues, and con
cerns in the following form, by filling in
Never corner the person with whom
the blanks in the manner suggested.
Although it will feel awkward at first, try
to adhere to this model and it will get eas
Always try to improve communica
The more listening you do, the more
I am noticing that you...
information you will get;
When you did
When you said
It is important to acknowledge and val
Observable, objectively stated descrip
idate everyone's feelings;
tion of behavior are most useful. Watch
out for any hidden judgments!
You don't have to catch the ball. Think
about what is happening instead of just
reacting to it;
Make a statement about how you feel.
Differentiate between needs and solu
Watch out for ed words ( threatened,
tions. Most arguments are about solu
cheated, ripped off ) that are hidden
tions. Find out more about what peo
ple need. There are usually many
alternative solutions to meet real
Because I believe
Because I assume
Learn to view conflict as an opportuni
State your belief or assumption that cre
ty for deeper understanding, growth,
ates your emotional reaction.
and better solutions; and
Remember that progress is a spiral
What I want is
process; it always includes some fail
Again, observable, objectively stated
descriptions of behavior are most useful.
This can relate to you or someone else.
Make sure it is doable!
Good Communication is Key to Con
Because I value
Even though all conflict is not the result
Make a statement about what you value.
of misunderstanding, good communica
This is a vision of what you want or care
tion is key to resolving conflicts. In com
about. The receiver's job is to engage in
munication there are two roles: the
active listening, which is a process of
sender and the receiver(s). The following
feeding back to the other person what you
model for communication is very helpful
have heard. The receiver can also use the
in clarifying the issues and helping dif
form of the model above.
ferent people communicate with each
M a n a g i n g Y o u r G r o u p
M 6 5